Claritin

The Setting
The marketing conference room at Schering-Plough HealthCare Products main office in beautiful Kenilworth, NJ.

In Attendance
The ad agency's account executive and account supervisor; the VP of marketing and two of six marketing managers for Claritin Allergy Products.

The Topic
The ongoing effort to combat the dominance of Zyrtec in the marketplace.

The Conversation
Account Executive: OK, we all know Zyrtec is kicking our butt and their campaign about how their product starts acting two hours faster than ours is killing our sales.

Account Supervisor: So we've determined that we need to take advantage of the fact that Claritin is inherently weaker and less effective - but also, the FTC didn't require us to put a warning on the label about potential drowsiness.

VP: Yeah, the lawyers really came through on that one.

Account Executive: So this is the idea for the next commercial. We're going to have people at work and play - a cop on horseback, someone in a park, for example - and there's going to be a big sign on their backs that says, "may cause drowsiness."

Account Supervisor: Sort of like a "kick me" sign. It'll make people that use Zyrtec look like total assholes.

Marketing Manager #1: Well, I'm not sure that anybody will get that...

Account Supervisor: Sure they will. Especially since we'll really slam Zyrtec and make it sound like it's going to totally knock you out. We'll make it sound seriously dangerous. Like you're going to die if you take it instead of Claritin.

VP: Can we say that?

Account Supervisor: No, but the people we show who use Claritin instead of Zyrtec will be really nice looking, happy, young people so the identity factor will be extremely high. We'll make sure we use a young girl that is MUCH better looking than that cow with the cat in the Zyrtec spot. And we'll be sure to use the old "Claritin clear" peel-away effect that you all like so much.

Marketing Manager #2: I don't know if I have a good feeling about this.

Account Executive: Well, would a couple of tickets to Sunday's Jets game help? Of course if you can't use them....

Marketing Manager#2: Uh, I meant to say this spot is looking really good. Very hard-hitting!

Account Executive: OK, then, two mil for production?

VP: Wow...I wasn't expecting....

Just then the cell phone of the Account Supervisor rings. He puts it on speaker.

Account Supervisor: Fred? That you?

Fred Hassen, CEO of Schering-Plough: Kick Zyrtec's ass you guys!

Account Supervisor: Yeah, Fred, we just presented the spot I told you about. You know, with the "kick me" signs on the backs of Zyrtec users?

Fred Hassen: I like it!